You know better than I

It's been about two years since I first thought of getting a new job. Along the way there were disappointment, moulding, pruning; when I went for interviews and couldn't get any job, there were doubts, fears, and things that consumed my confidence.

But praise God! I believe that God is guiding and leading me. I have zero idea why I am here, but I believe that His timing is perfect. I will praise God. I will praise God when I don't understand.

There were times that I felt like I was so close to giving up. And people would tell me: you should just stay here. Sometimes I fear that I might not be able to face what's going to come. I worry that I don't have what it takes.

But I refused to give in. Doesn't matter where it is, I want to have the spirit of excellence. I want to glorify God at where I am. I believe He places me at where I am for a purpose. For Your glory, God. And teach my heart to sing "I've let go the need to know why / I'll take what answers You supply / You know better than I". Indeed, God, You know better than I.

“But you, Israel, are My servant,
Jacob whom I have chosen,
The descendants of Abraham My friend.
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth,
And called from its farthest regions,
And said to you,
‘You are My servant,
I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
(Isaiah 41:8-10)

You know better than I (from "Joseph King of Dreams")

I thought I did what's right

I thought I had the answers 

I thought I chose the surest road 

But that road brought me here 

So I put up a fight 

And told You how to help me 

Now just when I have given up 

The truth is coming clear 

You know better than I 

You know the way 

I've let go the need to know why 

For You know better than I 

If this has been a test 

I cannot see the reason 

But maybe knowing I don't know 

Is part of getting through 

I try to do what's best 

And faith has made it easy 

To see the best thing I can do 

Is put my trust in You 

For You know better than I 

You know the way 

I've let go the need to know why 

For You know better than I 

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky 

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow 

But it was You who taught that bird to fly 

If I let You reach me will You teach me 

For You know better than I 

You know the way 

I've let go the need to know why 

I'll take what answers You supply 

You know better than I

New wine skin: season of enlargement

I think this is my season of renewal and enlargement. The church's theme of the year is "the Year of Growth".

This is a story of my colleague. She's a tall lady. When she was a kid, one day she complained to her mother that her body ached. So her mum brought her to a doctor. The doctor said it was probably her growing too fast.

Growth means change. Growth means pain and sacrifice. It doesn't mean suffering necessarily, but I believe in order to grow we need to give up on something. It's probably time, or energy, or certain things on the priority list.

I feel that in this season I need to learn on negotiating. I am not a person who likes to push or confront people. Sometimes I'd rather just "minding my own business". But that's being selfish. Since God has freely given to me, I need to do the same too.

Let's pray for an enlargement of territory!

I know You are in control

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed;

Let not my enemies triumph over me.

Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;

Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

Show me Your ways, O Lord;

Teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

For You are the God of my salvation;

On You I wait all the day.

Remember, O Lord,

Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,

For they are from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; 

According to Your mercy remember me, 

For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;

Therefore He teaches sinners in the way.

The humble He guides in justice,

And the humble He teaches His way.

All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth,

To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.

For Your name’s sake, O Lord,

Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Who is the man that fears the Lord?

Him shall He teach in the way He chooses.

He himself shall dwell in prosperity,

And his descendants shall inherit the earth.

The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him,

And He will show them His covenant.

My eyes are ever toward the Lord,

For He shall pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,

For I am desolate and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart have enlarged;

Bring me out of my distresses!

Look on my affliction and my pain,

And forgive all my sins.

Consider my enemies, for they are many;

And they hate me with cruel hatred.

Keep my soul, and deliver me;

Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.

Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,

For I wait for You.

Redeem Israel, O God,

Out of all their troubles!

(Psalm 25, NKJV)

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Praise the Lord my God! I believe my God will lead me and show me His plan and purpose for me ahead!

MIP 2016 and Mission Trip Reflection

Wow it's been almost a month since I last made an update.

Well I have been busy. But thank God because I believe there is fruitfulness in the midst of it all. I just came back from a mission trip and for the week before there was Mission Intensive Program. I really thank God for the things that He spoke to me through MIP and the trip. And I want to write them down before I forget them.

This season I believe God is speaking to me about His purpose, as I was led to seek my calling and the plan He has for me. The idea about glorifying God with my life and make it my sole purpose of living starts to override my own plans and dreams. I believe I am not even close to understand a small bit of it - be it the glory of God or what He will do in my life. In 1 Corinthians 2:9 it says

However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”— the things God has prepared for those who love him—

1. Obey beyond understanding - trusting in the unlimited God beyond my very limited mind

I shared with some that I feel like I am walking down a path and about to turn at the end of it, and I have ZERO idea what is ahead. So this is really a time for me to trust God when I don't see anything happening. I remembered a sermon where this speaker talked about his story when he was secretly planning a proposal for his then fiancee, and on the day itself she got mad because she thought he was going to propose but he did not (yet!) - actually he was planning to do it at the end of the day! The message was: do you believe that God (the God who loves you so so much) is working in the background for something that is good for you, even when you don't see anything ongoing? In Isaiah 55:8-9 God says

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, 
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

And a lot of times I struggle with my mind trying to process things with my logical thoughts. So it's something I need to learn along the journey, which is to not overthink and allow God to reveal to me my heart's condition instead.

2. Let my doing be a natural overflow of my being

Being a Christian for all these years, I'd say I'm quite with certain "doing". But in serving God and people, I want my motive and intention to be pure and right before God. I want to always remember the reason I serve - which is out of love. I want to be like Mary, that among the tasks and responsibilities I still want to find time to rest at the feet of Lord Jesus to just be with Him.

3. Step out of my comfort zone

I believe God wants His children to grow. The theme this year is "the Year of Growth". But growing could be uncomfortable since there will be changes. I think throughout MIP and mission trip I was also challenged to do things out of my comfort zone and even natural willingness. Like I don't really like being in leadership role because I don't want to be the person who make the final call. Then I had chances to take up such responsibility. Then for the role I was involved in for Mission Convention, at first I wished I was in other groups. But I think I was challenged by what I said to God that wherever He sends me I will go. Anyway thank God I enjoyed the first session of group meeting. I hope that I can contribute to the team and God can use us to bring out an impactful message to people.

4. God is the Lord of the harvest

Another thing to remember which is very important is that God is in control in the midst of everything. Something the trip leader reminded us is that God loves the people much more than we do. We might not be able to catch everyone after the service to encourage them or to get to know them more (also because of limited number of us who knows the language), but God can use the seeds we have sown and He can work in miraculous way.

5. Discipline

If we could have so many things in a day, and still were able to make time for devotion, I think in daily life there is no reason for me to say "I have no time". It's really about discipline, and how I manage my time. Sometimes there are things that are not essential. So I need to learn to prioritize things.

Back to Singapore and routines, I think the challenge is to continue to apply what I have learned in MIP and mission trip. I thank God for the opportunity to partner with Him and to be used by Him. I pray that I will allow God to stretch me so that I can serve Him and glorify Him. It's not going to be easy, but I want that deeper work in my life. Praise God! :)

Highest Calling

I have been thinking about job changing for more than a year. It started at the end of 2014 I think. Then it evolved into an idea of finding my "calling".

Being a Christian, I had this idea that the "calling" has something to do with my career. Something specific at somewhere (specific too). Like do I continue to code? Or am I moving towards another occupation? Maybe full time ministry? Also being a software developer, I want my skills to be directly put to use in good ways.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:14)

And during this period of time I looked into devotion materials and what people say about finding purpose and calling. I was expecting to find some guides for me to find what I am good in doing and find my specialty and so on "calling". Thank God that through the journey I discovered and started to embrace the idea that my highest calling is to follow Christ Jesus, and my highest purpose is to glorify God.

It means, whether I work at a small cubicle, or as a mother who nurse three children, or as a NBA star (I am not, but Stephen Curry is!), I am to glorify God at where I am. That means I need to work unto the Lord (Col 3:23) and be a testimony of Him (Matt 5:16).

Well I am still looking for jobs. In this time of waiting, I learn to depend on God (and still learning!). I learn to pray more. I learn to seek Him of my future. I learn to ask God to mould me in this time of waiting. There are still a lot more to learn, but I want to give thanks to God.

I still have no idea when I'll get a new job. But I believe along this journey of waiting there are blessings and I need to set my eyes upon God. I believe in His perfect timing.

Praise God!

The Alchemist - pursuing your Personal Legend

When I read C.S. Lewis' "The Alchemist", the book really spoke to me - I think it's only when the authors pour out their hearts when they write, the words become alive and speak!

It inspires me to think about pursuing my own Personal Legend. Everyone has one. And I definitely want to run after mine. Well to each his own, everyone has different dreams and wishes and ambitions.

I used to be obsessed with seeking my "calling" in relation to my work. I thought that I need to do something important and great at work to be able to make a difference. The thing is, it doesn't really matter where am I, but if I just play my part and bloom where I'm planted, I can leave a legacy. I can help to change lives. I can lead and influence for good causes.

At my current phase of life, I am still making decisions. Sometimes there are struggles. But I don't want to give up on it.

I hope you have found your Personal Legend, and would not give up on pursuing or keeping it.

DISCIPLINE is the word of the season

I wasted my last Saturday napping. Seriously like almost the whole day. Then I managed to bring my laptop out for dinner and do some work. But well, without internet not much was done. Or my micro usb cable. But thankfully my laptop hasn't died yet. Good job.

I really need to enforce discipline this season. Life is not compartmentalized. I just feel that this procrastination thing is manifesting and I DISLIKE IT. I am taking some steps to overcome and I'm learning to plan and organize.

Everyone has something to learn, even as I am out of school, and as an adult (am I one?), I still need to learn. Life lessons are tougher but valuable.

Anyway spam some photos! Good memory.

(I really do love puns.)

This apple french toast is super yummy...

“My grace is sufficient for you"

I dislike trials. I dislike being poked in my weaknesses. I dislike hardships. I dislike facing the unknowns. I dislike not being in control.

That was me speaking on the behalf of my own flesh and willpower and self. A lot of I, I, and I.

January was like a honeymoon month. Last year was a year of restoration to me. 2016 is the year of growth. I was reaping from the joy from that restoration and having a good time of my life. I am still grateful. I thank God, really. But I also know there will be hardships if I want to develop into a deeper relationship with God.

I was reading a book and it talked about fear. Fear of failures, fear of not meeting the standards of men, etc. And I can feel this fear in my head. I have the fear of failing (again). I don't want to fail God. I feel that my focus is so much on myself and what I can do (that's the problem -- "what I can do") about things. I think dependence on God is a lesson I need to learn.

I can see my fear and weaknesses swelling over this period. In Hebrews 12:1-3 it says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

There were a lot of runners in the race of faith who set good examples for me! One of them is Lord Jesus Himself! Christ did not shrink back when He faced death. In Hebrews 10:38-39,

And,
“But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.”
But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Do not shrink back! Press in!

I prayed to God about my fear and how I feel about my weaknesses, and I broke down at this verse I read, which is in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God's power is made perfect in my weakness. So I need to delight in weakness so that God will be lifted up and glorified in my weakness.

The phrase "For when I am weak, then I am strong" always amazes me. I don't understand how. It is above the norms, above the logical thinking. I know there are greater things ahead in my journey with God. I don't know if I will fail or if I will fall, but God, may Your will be done, may Your name be glorified.

Praise God.

Wild Stormtroopers appear!

At Changi Airport <3

Got this from the cereal box :>

(This is so awesome, I don't need to add any more descriptions.)

Awkward & Awesome + my 2016 resolutions!

Doing some scrapbooking - pugs are super cute!!!

(That title doesn't apply to anything.)

Anyway, I'm still excited about new year. In my mind I made a lot of resolutions (yea I'm the kind of person... a resolution-ist) and I really want to see them coming true! Inspired by a friend, I made a planner thingo so I can encourage myself to be more disciplined.

Some of my goals:

1. To grow in the Word

I want to spend more time to grow in the Word of God. A Christian should root his/her faith in God's Word. It's more than attending all the services or being involved in ministries. These are important but there is more. Paul said in Romans 10:2 "For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge.". Also in Proverbs 19:2 "Desire without knowledge is not good — how much more will hasty feet miss the way!". I have picked up a one-year-bible plan. I used to think that the quality matters more than the quantity (it is!) but I want to try to read more of the Bible other than the daily devotion. Oh talking about daily devotion, now we can move to point #2.

2. Discipline

Aaaahhhhhhhhh! Yep, DISCIPLINE. I need to practice discipline in:
- Spiritual growth - wake up early for daily devotions, memory verses etc
- Ethical practices - like be on time for work and services and meet-ups. And be on time means 10 mins earlier!
- Personal growth - do more reading, doodling, exercising and programming!

There are actually more. Well I'm really looking forward to this year. I hope there will be breakthroughs in work and personal growth.

There's this interesting book that I borrowed from library -- "Restless: Because You Were Made for More" by Jennie Allen. Lots of things in the book were like loud BANGs in my head. This year my theme is John 3:30, "He must increase, but I must decrease". May God be exalted in my life, and all for His glory.

Praise God! I am so excited. Hope you have dreams and goals for this year too! :)

New season is coming! Be prepared

In Psalm 46:10, God says "Be still, and know that I am God;".

Recently I have a lot of worries. I feel that I have always been a worrier. I don't like having a lot of responsibilities and things piled up.

I am very stressed about my wisdom tooth, and then job searching (I don't know what to do next), and also some major work thing to be done... I wanna scream and ask God "HOW TO BE STILLLLL".

Okay no screaming. Calm down. Breathe.

After Adult's Camp I feel that I really want to prepare to step into a new season and stop struggling on the same problems. Like worrying about future, always complaining about work etc. I gotta start being who I wanna be. I feel that a lot of times I'm very obsessed with doing. God help me to guard my heart above all things. I want to be pure and acceptable in the eyes of God.

Be prepared of the new season!