Yesterday, pastor was talking this: forgiving the people who hurt you and stop hating them. And we had an altar call (that we can go out so the pastors can pray for us).
I went out because I knew that it's what I needed. There's this person whom I'm very angry at because of the pain and hurt this person has caused me.
I told God: I need a word from You. Like telling me what to do because I have no idea how. I want to get out of this struggle. I want to let things go and be happy.
And when the pastor prayed for me, I really cried out to God. I wept so bitterly. I was asking God to tell me something, like anything. There were three things mentioned that I knew those were from God. It was like a confirmation from God to tell me that He knows, even though I believed that. It was just comforting. "To be filled with God's love that there will be no spaces for the memories of hurt and pain", "To cast out the thoughts of revenge" and "To forgive the person no matter whether that person is near or far". Indeed, this person is far away and I constantly have these thoughts of revenge (I feel horrible) and very often those memories came back to haunt me.
And I asked God: How to forgive someone when they don't know that they have done wrong?
Isn't Jesus Himself a good example? He died for the world and they didn't know Him. He loves and forgives even when the world hated Him.
“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27)
That was what I did. I made myself a bitter person by hating someone. And I sinned against God when I thought I'm unloved and unwanted. I denied His love for me, and I forgot what Jesus has done for me on the cross and how precious I am in His eyes.
And with the bitterness in me, I poured my anger out on people.
All I want is to be free and to be able to love and forgive. But how can I forgive when I'm hurt so much?
I just want to say sorry to God, to the person I hated, and to everyone around me. I do not want to become someone who soak in self-pitying and spreading emotional aura around.
This Christmas, let's make peace. If you are hurt and you have bitterness within, you might not know that, but if you thought of anyone whose deeds or words might hurt you in certain ways, I'd love to pray for you. We all want people to understand us, but most of the time people can't understand us completely, but God knows and He understands.
Dear God,
I want to pray for myself and anyone who is reading this. Help us, God, so that we can love instead of hate. Fill our hearts and minds with Your love that we will have no space for all the memories of hurt and pain. Take our bitterness away and replace it with Your love, joy and peace. Help us to forgive, because sometimes we try to do that with our own strength and we cannot. But God, let Your love melt our hearts and heal all the wounds inside, because no one else understands, but You see, You listen, and You value every tear that we have shed. In this season of Christmas, help us to experience Your love and make peace with the people who have hurt us. And forgive us God, for holding grudges and hating which has made ourselves bitter. Bless us, God, with hearts filled with Your love. Thank You for loving us. In Jesus name. Amen.
P/s: Let things go before they drive you mad.
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