Bad Movie Review: Riddick (2013)

Soooooo... I watched Riddick last Sunday, or Saturday, I don't remember.

*SPOILERS ALERT!!!*

Since I couldn't find any pictures I want to use with license of free to use/share on Wikimedia Commons or Flickr, I drew doodled something to sum up the movie plot -- it's a really bad doodle I know.

(Just realized the dog(?) is one leg short... nevermind)

That looks like a donkey... this is not the movie Shrek ok?!

So if you don't know about the previous two movies of Riddick, both played by Vin Diesel of course, they were Pitch Black (2000) and The Chronicles of Riddick (2004).

First of all, VIN DIESEL IS A VAMPIRE. I knew it. He never ages! He is 46 (by his IMDB profile) this year and he looks exactly the same as himself (probably more built now) in the first Riddick movie. Agent Mulder and Agent Scully HAVE TO check on him!!!

Okay so the new movie kind of related to the first one but doesn't hurt if you have not watched it. I thought I have OCD because halfway through the movie I had to Google to find out how the two movies were related.

Ok here comes the true spoiler.

I didn't check how much time it took for the first part of the movie which Riddick talked to himself and described what happened to him and the Necromongers. I felt like it took half of the movie for him to do that. The first part also describes how he adopted this... dog? I shouldn't say pet because it was more like his friend. Also the main antagonist (?) of the movie was introduced: Mud Demons.

So, the second part is about Riddick luring bounty hunters to come get him so he could get their ships to leave where he was after he noticed raincloud from afar. So now it's the cue for a group of (bad) bounty hunters and another group of (not so bad, or good) mercenaries lead by Johns (his son was in the first movie, Pitch Black). Facing the groups Riddick took care of them (only from the bad group) by himself easily. Also with the help of his dog(?) friend.

The third part starts with Riddick getting caught after he tried to call a truce (?) -- I think Riddick offering anything other than death is considered as merciful. Well they tricked him (kind of) and the dog friend died trying to save him. After the Johns-style-interrogation-and-he's-all-yours-now-Santana dialogue it was revealed that Mud Demons were visiting with the raincloud. So now it's human VS monsters now. After that they needed to head out to get the power nodes stolen and buried by Riddick previously (YOU ARE CREATING TROUBLES FOR YOURSELF!) and a weak portrayal of saving-your-enemy-does-not-mean-making-one-more-friend idea, the movie ended. (Okay it's just Riddick saved Johns, Johns and Riddick fought monsters, Johns left Riddick, Johns came back for Riddick... yep.)

Very different from The Conjuring bad movie review, I do have more comments to make about this one.

1. I prefer Pitch Black. Personal opinion. I feel like this plot is loosen and not exciting. The part which human vs monsters were like rushing because they have spent so much time on the irrelevant details (yep I mean the first part).

2. Pretty face = survivor. The moment I saw Luna (WHY IS THIS DUDE'S NAME LUNA?!) among the bad mercenaries/bounty hunters I knew he would survive! Because he was just weird outstanding among them and most of all HE'S GOOD LOOKING and his mates are all greasy, rude, rough, beardy (meaning has beard) and I wondered why they took him along to get Riddick.

3. RIDDICK TURNS A GAY STRAIGHT. That, is going to get a lot of feedback from our audiences. Well as for me I don't care much about anything else other than they let the dog died. How could they kill the dog. Darn it!

4. Dahl reminds me of curry dahl of roti planta/roti canai if you know this common Indian food, while people thought of "doll". Well I think she was cool until the ending part where she seems to grow attracted to Riddick...

Okay that was all. I think I should probably categorize this under rants.

My conclusion? Took out the fancy CGI and Vin Diesel it'd be a B or C class monster movie.

My rating? 6/10.