My LTS class this semester is "Journey of Israel". So far I'm really benefited. Well most know that the journey took 40 years but it actually just needed 40 days. Why? The Israelites kept complaining and failing the tests. Ended up most of them died in the journey.
I feel that my current situation is like that -- in the wilderness, not sure where I'm heading next. I don't even know where is my Promised Land. And it's very easy to complain and murmur. That day I was thinking about this and suddenly I felt like I was like the first generation of Israelites -- when they had no water and food they complained, even though they have went through the miracle of crossing the red sea. They complained when they had manna; They didn't obey when they had quails; They complained more when they were punished for kept complaining. I don't wanna be like them!
I kept thinking about quitting. It's not that I actually think grass would be greener for my next job. I just want to get out of this place because I feel so stagnant. I don't know what else I can do or learn. I seriously want to see some progress, I just feel like I don't know what to do. Super helpless. I fear I might not be as competent for my next job. I already feel that I'm lacking compared to the standards in the market.
There are actually a lot of things to be thankful of. I can take leave easily. Be it sick leave or even no-pay leave. The company I work with also have good benefit for staff. My boss never abuses me. I don't even need to OT. My colleagues are nice people. I think God really have blessed me with all these yet I'm still not satisfied. It's difficult to find an IT job now with criteria stated above.
I want to start a change myself but at the same time I just completely have no idea what to do. Maybe I should try out some things to reignite my passion for work.
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| Purple passion by Anthony Easton on flickr |
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